but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
So i'm in a museum and theres a punch bowl from 1765 with a picture of 3 men forcing the 4th to drink the punch bowl. Colonial hazing
do you think theyll let us bring mariachis to the strip club?
And dont tell me its his job to cockblock me just because he's my boyfriend.
My little brother just suggested we drink the rest of the vodka because it's raining. My job is complete.
So I was about the only one NOT pregaming or stoned at my aunt's funeral... Maybe thats why I'm the black sheep.
well shes beginning to earn a reputation as "the girl who tries to bone her hook ups in the ass with a pickle"
It was insane. I was drunk for 11 consecutive hours. I woke up covered in almonds and there were footprints all over my shirt
Dude, I found out having naked people in your car is a felony.. Now were all fucked.
Watching elf, eating a tub of ice cream, and coming to terms with the fact that I haven't had sex in 5 months. Happy fucking holidays.
I can't wait to see you again...not a euphemism, just really looking forward to seeing you. Wanting to fuck you as often as possible just seems implied at this point.
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
Woke up with a squirrel in my bed, how was your night?
And you are going to be so turned on by my batman skills later
I saw a drunk guy run across the street with an American flag between his buttcheeks.
Randomize
