the only girl from my high schools graduating class coming to our school next year went stag to prom and still has braces...
dibs.
i was so high i thought his mole came off and was flying around
I just found out I was conceived in a rehab facility... that's better than finding out your dad could be someone else right?
Nope it's him. He's whispering to himself and buying asparagus.
I have a spoon shaped bruise on my ass...
Rubbed one out while on hold to buy tickets to Disneyland. Feel simultaneously like a freak and strangely productive.
I'm too hungover to crawl to the fridge so im eating the candy nipple tassels I got bought for Christmas
Is it inception if it feels like another uterus is going to burst out of my current uterus?
I'm pretty sure I made out with a guy in a man thong.
We kind of broke a table making out. So yes, I'd say it was successful.
You're the only person I know that could get laid while visiting their grandpa in florida
You came down the stairs dressed as winnie the pooh and kicking cups off the table and out of people's hands
he woke me up with all the stuff I had at his house in boxes i had to unwrap my own belongings and he said. Happy v-day its time to see ya day! Worst day ever
I literally woke up walked into the bathroom, threw up and died this morning. Then went to my 8am.
I am in no place to make rational decisions, but right now i want you inside me
Randomize
