Ha i know. My vag can't go too crazy for a boy halfway across the country. It doesn't have that good of range
my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
Just found a ramen cup in the stall and all of the showers running with no one in them. WHERE ARE YOU?
announcing that you were the mayor of bjtown got their attention.
New low, passed out while taking a shit for an hour with my parents home, suprised they didnt notice
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
its weird that my cat bites every fat chick i bring home. i repeat every fat chick, qhT KINDA FRIEND ARE YOU
When exactly does a bender just become a lifestyle?
This girl ordered Hershey syrup and red wine and he made it for her
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
You kept chewing on the empty milk carton and saying "kitty" over and over again. It was an interesting night.
Dude she's from Moscow. I feel like I'm cheating on America.
If I don't singlehandedly make your gf realize she needs to straighten the fuck up or ruin your relationship before I leave I have failed you as a friend.
I accidentally told my mom I broke my drug nail this weekend
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
Randomize
