you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
I just had human shit waiting for me at the top of the escalator at Bowery. This is truly the Lord's day.
May the Lord look upon you in favor and give you pees.
I went for the touchdown every play, and I think I ended up with herpes.
I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
I'm giving up shame for lent. Here come the best 40 days and nights of my life.
For once I want to have sex without having to google the after effects of it.
I know it I should, but it's kinda nice. It's smells like unbridled enthusiasm and copious amounts of melt your face off sex.
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
Every time you visit for the weekend I end up having to bleach my entire house after.
Like 50% of me thinks it'll be weird, 25% of me is curious & 25% of me is horny
You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
Seriously I'm not after your cock. It's a nice bonus, like finding $20 in the dryer, but not the reason I hang out with you.
We'll get you some ice cream, but no sprinkles. Sprinkles are for winners.
What happens if you die with an erection? Does it stay hard? Disclaimer: I'm high.
I have had my dick inside of entirely too many people at this wedding in order for me to be the groom. Please give me a swift kick in the dick to wake me up from this nightmare
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