if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
That was the most comfortable bag of doritos I have ever slept on!
I'm going to be blunt here. I don't actually care what you're doing tonight. I just need to know if I need to shave or not.
Umm, ya, half our class is sitting in starbucks passing around flasks. Yes, flasks. Plural. Going to join them, we're all giving oral presentations in 20. Go hard or go home.
It's end St Patricks day. I'm gonna need a leash. And a bib. And a rain check on anything considered dignifying.
I woke up smelling like chlorine with a broke toe. They know how to fucking party on lake lanier.
I feel like I got ass raped in the brain.
When in doubt, it's too much cheese
Just had my very first high conversation with mom
And you survived it! I'd say that earns you a "Blaze It Like a Real Adult" from the Grown-up Girl Scouts
Let's just say his oral game was lacking. Hell, lacking is too nice of a word to describe it.
Not sure how but he broke three of his fingers while giving a blowjob. How does someone that accident prone survive to adulthood?
I'm naked on my couch and just ate a chip that was in my belly button.. my 20s have been weird.
Somewhere on my work laptop I have a map visualizing all the area codes that Ludacris has ho's
I hope that wasn't done on billed time
I can guarantee that it was
I know right? It's like he knows how to pleasure me better than I do myself... He's like a prophet of sex
I remember her making the first martini but the rest of the weekend is a blur of vodka, high heels and sex toys.
First time being used by a cougar. Definitely okay with it
Randomize
