im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
Dude, everyone in your family has slept with that girl. Her vagina is like the Hindu version of a Bar Mitzvah.
In the middle of blowin me she stoppped and told me how easy it would be to insert a catheter ..... Apparently she was a nursing major
I told my mom I had sex with him and even SHE was proud. Now that's saying something.
Imagine a baby lion feeding on an injured gazelle and it tasting fresh blood for the first time. That's me and this breakfast sammich
there's just a random girl here singing about how much she loves fiber
Pretty sure i didnt get thrown out cause why dont i have more bloody areas
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
Just made a list of all the guys I've hooked up with. "Roofie tattoo eyelids", "xanex night guy", "rainy concert", "cory blanket" and "naked hottub guy" made it.
I got a second ticket last night for drunkly using my one call to order a pizza and get it delivered at the police station
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
I need a life alert for his random dick pics. My heart can't handle that.
I made him leave to get me chicken nuggets so I could have sex with his roommate
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
I found out he hated a girl that I hate so I fucked him. My reasons for fucking guys are getting bad.
Randomize
