I*** M*****, this is your dignity texting you. I ditched you when you started hitting on bros and old sailor men last night. My friend Sarah has pictures to prove it.
she fell down the flight of stairs and was fine until she saw the two broken beer bottles on the ground by her.
thats a woman
i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
Just found out my brother beats off to Lauren Conrad. the Hills will never be the same.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We ran out of things to say while we were playing Never Have I Ever so we started playing I Have Done This... Have You?
Not sure. We'll pass out on that bridge when we stumble to it.
Somewhere along the night we ended up at a food lion giving jello shots to high school girls.
If I got to choose how I die, it would be in an Olympic sized pool of gin and tonic.
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
this old dude from the bar is giving me a ride home in a van, his bumper sticker says " don't laugh your kids could be in here" scary world ou here
i just got hit on on the bus. Yes sir, because its every boys dream to fuck a forty year old with a face tattoo
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
This guy knew what he was doing. Most guys can't find the spot even if it shot off a flare and played a kazoo.
All right well I’m making her sugar cookies and sleeping with her husband tonight. Just another manic Monday
He was a half hour late. His excuse was that his brother knifed him right before he was going to leave. I didn't believe him until I saw the gauze.
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