I'm watching harry potter...good thing I already know I'm gay
sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
drink some water, pull the trigger, get a bfast sandwich. Only good things.
I just tipped a bartender in xanax.
I need to stop hooking up with boys in my major. three boys in one class is just a litttle too awkward.
And I was slip and sliding my life away on a giant tarp with tons of soap and bitches. Priorities man, priorities.
stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character
Oh okay. That's fine. I'll buy us both dinner when you bail me out
It's a post jail date
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
Who knew I could feel anymore shameful at the bar than i usually do...I think my bartender recognizes me from the walk of shame out of his house after i hooked up with his son yesterday
Yo I get this girl alone in my room last night but she bounces cus she thought the full house poster was "weird"
He sent me a meme at 3am. Usually guys just send me booty calls that late. I think I'm in love
I got my period on eclipse day. I'm officially in line with the moon.
He let me share his family pack of hot pockets with him. Chivalry isn't dead after all.
Randomize
