College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
They both told everyone they fell in a mud puddle
Oh they definetly fell in the mud, repeatedly, on top of each other
It's summer and yet I still can't have one library session w/o seeing someone who has had their penis in me.
NExt question... Do i wanna sleep under my palm tree
YES.
Some drunk couple just made out on the sidewalk and it reminded me some sweet moments we have shared...
I swear this guy grew up in land without leagues. someone should inform him he's way out of mine
My bullwhip has saved my life tonight and gotten me laid. I'm gonna be Indiana Jones every Halloween!
that's just what you get for learning massage techniques from gay porn
all I'm saying is that my epic blow jobs have made grown professional football players cry in ecstasy
Yes, let me tell you about the time I was forcibly locked in a bathroom when my ex-girlfriend was having a bad shroom trip.
We literally solved our fight using cat pictures on Instagram. True love.
He told me he wished he could shrink down to a small size so he could live inside my cleavage
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
YOU SLEPT WITH A GUY WHO HAS A BILLBOARD IN HIS HONOR?
hooked up with him and then had a conversation with his ex about how we hate people who hook up with our exs...
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