I have a pretty basic diameter of my vaginal abyss. I'm sure it won't hurt.
I got us kicked out of the bar because the waitress found me in the kitchen trying to make spaghetti
its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
I just figured it out. Meghan has the same smile as Sylvester Stallone.
Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
Just saw 30+ dicks. Explain later.
We were having an argument with his friends mom about whether it was worse that he bootycalled me at 4 a.m. or that I bootycalled him at 12 in the afternoon
There's a drag queen here that reminds me strongly of you. You should try crossdressing.
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
I'm bringing my passport in case we get drunk and wind up in Mexico
The last two times I had sex with him I forgot who it was half way through
I don't know whether to be insulted or flattered that I am being propositioned to have a threesome only if I wear my cat onesie
Oh god establish a safe word
I'm going to! Pineapple.
It's Friday you fucking nerd of course I'm drunk.
Randomize
