Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
Starbucks introducing alcohol. i hear angels singing.
a queef is a wish your heart makes.
I'm telling people I'm celibate. It sounds cooler when it's by choice.
Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
I wish i could be on x for the rest of my life.
and then the entire party sang the national anthem a capella around the keg.
I wish you could be here to assess my herpes before he gets here.
I got tossed from adult league soccer for telling a 55 year old I'd break his hip. I'm a productive member of society
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
Did she owns a vibrator that will set off seismic activity.
My day in three words: secret purse cake
Dude for real though, we gotta stop getting hammered and kissing gay guys.
I just smoked weed with my physics professor. Tell me how my life is this.
I would definitely ride that dick into the sunset if nuggets are involved