I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
Canada is now making docos about life in America. Its called Trailer Park Boys.
The bender is in full force. After 2 bloody mary's at breakfast we are now drinking vodka redbull "as a precaution" so we will stay awake for the club tonight.
so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
i seriously have like 9 pictures of people taking shots out of a vag on my camera....
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
I'm skyping with my parents and reading Cosmo articles on giving great head. I'm on a roller coaster that only goes up, baby.
It's that "make a Pringle and Twinkie sandwich" kind of depression.
I just want to hug my vagina but I can't!\nLike, I want to wrap my arms around it and say "I'm sorry"
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
he made a bon jovi sex playlist and started crying when "i'll be there" came on... how was your night?
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
Omg my butt feels so much better. Those suppositories are magic. It feels like Jesus fingered me in my sleep.
He was like, I wanna take it slow. I took off my bra And I was like, either we have sex now or you get out.