Hit a parked car with a "property of Jesus Christ" bumper sticker. Wrote out five hail mary's and left it on the windshield.
So at what point while he was throwing up on the girl next to him did you think "yeah, im going to hit that"
I need a second opinion on who's blood is in my car.
This is so pathetic it makes me miss snorting lines alone in my room listening to 'one more drink'.
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
Ohhhh sweet! I may be down for that. I'll be a german beer girl probably passed out on a park bench somewhere.
Trick or treaters just rang our doorbell
Give them the moldy beer cans, we need to get rid of those
My g-ma saw your dick-pic and wants you to know I've got a keeper. She says her big whopper died in Korea. Good thing g-pa is still asleep.
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
Is he gonna be my crazy ex? Cause we weren't even together for as long as my weeklong bicurious lesbian relationship.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
HELP! How do I get paint off the dog?
Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
So... I woke up on a bench with a honey bun on my chest.
I tried to have a quickie with him at the company happy hour. I think I need to quit my job.
THERE IS A BABY THAT ISN'T MINE THAT'S GOING TO HEAR ME BEING SEXED!