Someone shit on the floor
so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
please remind me not to sleep with group members until after finals week.
after giving each other head, we had a really nice post-oral heart to heart. found out he lost his virginity in a threesome.
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she had a concussion and she still scored nine points higher than me on the midterm
I mean, I know they're ugly, but I cant turn down a birthday threesome.
She just started grabbing all the hospital's rubber gloves and face masks and shoving them in her purse, saying, "My tax money paid for these!"
well, duh, but it's like you don't even want to see me masturbate with a wine bottle.
So my birthday was awesome. Only remember 45 min of it but I woke up with a girl on the couch and a half bowl of ground beef
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Oh man, buzzed lunch fridays almost got out of hand.
I guess I can give it a shot. I usually just get belligerently drunk and go where my penis and feet lead me. No fights or getting too lost, so they seem to be doing a good job
I was going through my settings and the phone randomly started playing "Crazy Little Thing Called Love" by Dwight Yoakum. Out loud. At full volume. I was shitting. There were 3 other people in the bathroom. I love iOS 7.
Don't know how your birthday has been, but mine has involved Hershey's syrup and a blowie. It's safe to say you're playing catch up.
I woke up naked and only wearing cowboy boots, wrapped in a curtain that was still attached to the pole
It can't be Friday yet, in still getting friend requests of people I don't remember from last weekend