I'll let you put expensive food in me, but really, not much else.
All my problems are solved. I just got McDonalds and scratch off lottery tickets.
words of advice: black light parties reveal cum stained clothing.
Well the party says they're going to have three kegs and four trampolines. I think I'm going to invite my EMT buddies just to be safe.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You SHOULD feel empty, we were at the top of our game, and by that i mean snorting things we don't understand and only a few steps away from adultery.
I can't think of anything besides pubic hair fallout. Ugh.
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.
Maybe I'm nitpicking, but that looked more like how one would jerk off an elephant than it did playing air guitar.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It was like, once I started flashing you, I couldn't stop.
Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner
so at 3am I stumbled into my parents house and crawled into bed with them, I need to start dating.
Am I supposed to get so horny by looking at your dick that I start orgasming uncontrollably
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
you said you heard a baby, so i told you to go feed it. you came back 2 hours later with a pizza and when i asked you where the baby went you pointed to the pizza and puked.
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