In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
Just made ouyt with a dude on the real wporld...I said I dont want my face blired out
im flying all the way to minnesota to see him for four days... cutest-best-friend-reunion or most-epic-booty-call-ever?
who says it cant be both...
i'm 67% sure he was trying to sing in hawaiian
She made me cum so hard I couldn't hear for half an hour after
I am convinced that after two dates and a few adult sleepovers that he still doesn't know my name.
But the drunk streaking fizzled when one of jake's friends took a piss while running with a massive erection.
Shame?!? Shame only comes from getting naked in front of strangers and it not being awesome
Its not often you get to say, "The security guard at my job is my new drug dealer," but as of last night, I get to say it.
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
also I was promised more toga parties by popular media
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?
ALL I WANT FOR CHRISTMAS IS FOR YOU TO SHUT THE FUCK UP FOR ONCE
I think the moment she woke up butt naked on a mattress with her phone still on her face was the point she knew last night was fucked up
Your penis is the destroyer of worlds.
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