The sex was so good, I called my ex during the 2nd time just so he could hear. Is that mean?
well as my mentor always said, "Don't antagonize the man whose penis gives you multiple orgasms."
we tried to steer you away from them but you just kept yelling 'i need dick' and going back. sorry.
I didn't take her seriously until she snorted that ramen noodle flavor packet...
He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
I can feel my liver begging me to stop.
there is nothing more depressing than your birth control alarm going off while you're masturbating, and realizing you've been taking pointless precautions for over a month now.
i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
I took out the emergency phone in the elevator and replaced it with a bottle of vodka. The game is simple, do a shot for the number of the floor you're going to. Best suggestion box tip ever.
It was 16 hours of liver killing mistake making goodness
I just want to return to LA when the weed and dick is plentiful.
Before consuming her Waffle House she did a few deep breaths and cleared the table to "prepare herself for this"
True strength comes from lack of pants
Randomize
