either fucking kiss her or kick her ass to the curb. Either way I can hear everything you are saying
as evidence of my kitchen this morning my night involved alot of mustard and condoms
This could be one of the worst things i've done... The background of her phone is her and her boyfriend.
she named my penis "gigantor the baby arm"
Side note, we are 25 fighting over our sophmore year RAs Drunk facebook attention
She broke both of her ankles trying to jump off the balcony. it's like every time she drinks she makes even more impressively bad decisions than the last time
and honestly how many chances will you get to hook up with a one armed guy?
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
unfortunetly they frown upon drunk on duty paramedics
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
Yo, how much weed can I get for a caf swipe?
And then my night got REAL pukey
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
Just woke up next to a hungry lesbian and a half eaten croissant on my stomach. Can you come get me?
I didn't really break out of the friend zone, as much as I blasted the doors off with high explosives and rode through on a grizzly bear...
Randomize
