I am not deleting the internet history anymore, now I am going for shock value.
We went into lab today and when no one was looking i touched our cadaver's penis!
Other than a hickey from some random Canadian roller derby girl, I came out unscathed
Ok fine. Wild. Free. Like a stallion set free in a beautiful meadow filled with flowers and sexy lady horses
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You tried to put a condom on my dog, then he ate it.
Challenge: Try to have your balls hanging out in every picture you take tonight
Challenge Accepted
While you were hooking up with her I pulled you off to make sure you knew what you were doing.
You said you were "testing the product for Chris."
I'm a bad man.
Was having a panic attack, but I'm out of xanax. Substituting with vodka shots and breathing exercises. My therapist will be proud, yes?
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Drunk. But sober enough to know I hate gymnastics.
My entire news feed is ice bucket challenges. I wish there was a hide from feed button like FarmVille
The moment I was petting the giraffe was the moment I passed out
Oh, now I remember why I deleted your number. You're kind of a dick. Please delete mine.
He made me spaghetti, gave me wine and I fucked him on the floor, Is that a fair trade of services to you?
Trust me, I’ve got a sixth sense about dicks that tells me if a guy knows how to fuck and it’s tingling. You need to prove me right!
I’m not going to bang him just to confirm your Dickth Sense
The Dickth Sense!!! I love it! It’ll be our first porno!
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