everytime someone famous vagina shows up in pics, i have to go check my own vagina to make sure mine dont look all wrinkledy and flabby like that....i want my lips plump and succulent
Just crushed a xanax into my chewing gum. Its gonna be a long, fucking up flight...
dude she was givin me head and stops and looks up at me and tells me she loves me, then goes ''alright now cum in my mouth''.... pretty sure shes the one
Welll when you have a beer at 8:30 am you've already decided whaat kind of Sunday it ism
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
I don't know what to tell you, usually I would just ask if they'd like to meet the captain. If you can't get laid it's your problem.
I'm going to die alone in my chair and get eaten by my cat. That kind of break up.
All you need to do now is invest in a Speedo and start going door to door.
So it finally happened last night... I re-met someone that i've already had sex with. Had no idea who he was. Fantastic
I really want to fuck that guy in the full wind breaker suit
I came in and I guess my parents didn't hear me. My dad just said "Don't be lazy, RIDE IT." to my mom. Never coming home again.
I am in a hotel room with 10 people. John is in bed eating an industrial sized pan of mashed potatoes. I think a non insignificant number of people saw my nipples.
Netflix keeps asking me if I'm still watching just because I've been sitting here all afternoon...why do I feel like my tv is judging my life choices?
Your english degree would kill itself if it could read that text.
maybe a couloe typos.. noooooooooo big deal
When you puked on me I said to you "we will just say that you threw some mostacholi at me"
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