friends don't let friends hook up with gingers.
this is going to sound stupid but when I was drunk and thought I was a stripper where I did toss my pants?
I think the boy in my gender studies class cried when 90% of the girls said they had faked an orgasm
You showed the cops outside of the bar your boobs and then decided to go apologize to them. They admitted that the reason they hung out there was because of girls like you.
I'm gonna sleep with her just to prove to my roomate that shes a slut and he's wasting his time
Bruises. Everywhere. Table sex is dangerous
I thought she was being abused so tried to go in at the sympathy angle, but the bruises were from pole dancing. I went in at all angles.
Celebrated the veterans I suppose, my mouth tastes of gin and black outs
Having boobs is probably the greatest thing in the world, free booze all around
I just know what's gonna happen. I mean. I shaved my legs up to shorts length. But I'm leaving the rest as a sort of makeshift caution tape.
I am having telepathic thoughts with my cat. He loves me and wants me to blow his nose
In my defense, there are at least three ways to die doing that, and I'm still here. America, Fuck Yeah!
DO I FUCKING *LOOK* LIKE SOMEONE WHO HAS THEIR ACT TOGETHER!?!? THE ANSWER IS "NO"!
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
I'm gonna make out with this 38 yr old. Mark my words. I don't even have daddy issues.
Randomize
