i've alrwady decidided boys hate me plkease take notyes.
what
nvm
She said I was really immature but whatever...oh by the way we just bought a toilet and turned it into a beer bong so come over
that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
Where does it all go? I've busted inside of you like 10 times in the last week.
Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
remember last year when i left for the bar in flip flops and came back in heels?
it happened again.
all i know is that each time we woke up we were at a different chinese restaurant. help.
Gravity stopped and i'm discussing Greek philosophy with two guys I don't know. There's someone asleep on me. We need to use their dealer.
Aaaaand then she sang MDMA to the tune of the YMCA song, with appropriate gestures.
Jake and I will do a protection ritual for ur dick I don't know where she has been
You're wonderful. How are you always such a good friend?
50% genetics, 50% driven by a desire for people to drunkenly eat donuts at my funeral and then have fantastic cry-sex afterward.
I don't know what happened this summer, I've lost my sense of morality. All I do now is work, get drunk, and have sex near national landmarks.
Don't you hate falling asleep on the couch with a glass of wine in your hand? It's like dreaming about peeing and then realizing you've peed the bed only stickier.
Ended up at the strip club, got told I should be a dancer 4 times, got free tacos and my hot TA slide in the dms. How was your night?
His name was Dragon. For real. How do you not sleep with a Dragon? Don't judge me.
Randomize
