ol I'll be okay, it's only a christmas party so the worst that could happen is I end up playing madden naked again
i wasn't about to bring her gummy handcuffs to her father's funeral
I'll call you tomorrow. I'm ok and back i love you goodnight.
I stole a bike. Here's a pic
I think my hand is broken. But his nose definitely is
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
Question: trumpet bong. Can it work.
Would giving a bouquet of flowers to my mother be a good way to say, "sorry you walked in on my boyfriend eating me out"?
Turns out the bartender I fucked is the bar owner. WHY THE FUCK DO I PAY FOR HALF MY DRINKS? IS SEX NOT TIP ENOUGH?
He told me I was "too flexible." Excuse me?
He's hot, you can get laid, and you may get free drugs. It's the trifecta of banging a drug dealer
I just masterbated to the Lets Get Ready To Rumble theme
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby
By the way I can not feel my vagina. It's like it's asleep. What the hell did you do?
Went to a club yesterday was dirty dancing with this guy, reached back to move my hair and punched him in the face.
ANTI-GAME
I am so proud to call you my friend
Will u lay on an air mattress with me and drink vodka while we listen to Rick James?
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