my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
I just want to go some place where I can have a nice night. Grind on men who speak no English, make out with a girl, and not feel judged.
i have one question about last night
if this is about your fridge being filled with hotdogs, sour cream, and PB&J open-faced sandwiches, i can explain
Well, I woke up with a text message from my cab driver that said "I hope you're alive," so that's a good indicator of how I was acting last night.
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My phone really needs to stop auto correcting "library" to "ovary".
She looked at me and said there is a 90% chance I am going to puke in the next 10 minutes. 10 minutes later she is in jack in the box throwing up. She has amazing timing.
He played a tape of his mad rapping skills after the final...his rapper name was Mad Stylz and he rapped about all the pussy he got in the 90's. I love Sociology.
i don't know at this point bringing the fog horn might be a good idea...
you know you have a brother who cares when he hands you a piece of pizza before you pass out from too many bong hits
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I ate cinnamon toast crunch. I'm officially out of the puke zone. Blackout drunk Friday. WHAT IS GOOD.
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
He peed off the roof and then we bonded it was beautiful
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
We were too tired to finish having sex so we just stopped to eat the cheesecake and passed out. I didn't mind
She made me baby bird juul smoke to her while we were fucking
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