Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
Bring booze and chicks. Separate, or one already in the other. Your call.
he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
before tonight, i was terrified of what tequila would make me do. but all it did was make me hook up with a movie star. sooo basically tequila's my new fave
Underwear, t-shirt, bottle of Pinot Grigio and Golden Girls. I've hit a new level of homosexual.
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
The last thing I remember is your grandma calling me a pussy and taking my shot for me. Your family is awesome.
I wish there were birth control emojis
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
On a side note Tyler is buying beer from a gas station in a panda suit priceless
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
I'm going to try and loofah my hangover away.
Update: It didn't work
How high?! We watched paid programming for 45 minutes before we realized it wasn't just a long commercial. So pretty high. The Bionic fish finder looks promising, though.
Lets get a boat first.
I KEEP THINKING INAPPROPRIATE SEXUAL THOUGHTS ABOUT YOU AND I AM SORRY.
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