a strip club that doesn't allow touching or asking for sex... whats the point?
unless her vagina can tell me my horoscope in sign language, I'm not going.
you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
When I look at old family photos I know how jessica simpson feels when she watches dukes of hazzard
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He sent me a picture of his ass and said the backdoor is open. Almost grabbed my keys and a condom before I saw it was a group text. Not nearly drunk enough for his desperation.
Dude, she found the red hair dye from 4th of July. then she proceeded to give you a red mohawk for a more patriotic thanksgiving eve. How do you not remember that?
I told her my hands were paint brushes and her vagina was my canvas
2nd year in a row being a arrested before school starts...tradition at its finest
I may puke in class so I'm excited to see how that goes
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We went to Olive Garden so high we didn't talk and managed to be awkward enough for the waiter to ask if it was our first date
This dude has batman tighty whities on over his cargo pants and he has the nerve to yell "fuck you bitch" up at my window.
Oh my fucking god that cat looks just like you after you accidentally took Ketamine
Safe to say we should stock up on nipple bandaids ladies
Don't forget my pants whenever you come over, otherwise we can't get in.
You ran up a $300 bar bill on his card and he didn't have you arrested, be grateful and move on.
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