can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
I thought she was going to get passionate and throw her on the bed and fuck her, but she just started breaking stuff.
That's the thing about women.
i wish i could watch tv and lissten to music at the same time...but still understand both
i think otters can do that
I wanted to dispute a few 411 charges on my phone bill. The service rep told me I called them four times asking for Lady Gaga's number.
I bruised his dick. I bruised his dick WITH MY MOUTH!! I've never felt more accomplished.
mid blow job she looked up and said "we aren't even facebook friends!"
You threw up? Were you ladylike while you did it? I'm wagering that you were. Like a Disney princess. Like a "Puke Me Pretty" Barbie.
Turns out I was the only one drinking. I broke one guy's bed and kicked another in the face. Then when an RA came by I shouted to let him in he's gonna find the vodka anyway. Great night
They broke our car window and then wrote "great night" on the next
Bathtub guy came to. He helped me roll the fat chick away from the fridge. Shower and breakfast are on. You're plan failed!
Just drug him and when he wakes up be like "you just woke up from a coma, we've been married for the past five years." It'll be like the Vow but fucked up.
I don't trust myself to shower and not drown.
I'm dying. The alcohol is viciously exiting my tiny body.
I'm craving your dick and a microwave pizza
Went as "Party on, Wayne." And left as, "Partied out Wayne in a foot boot with new medical bills." Fuck Halloween...and vodka.
Randomize
