Everytime she tries to call me all I can think about is when she tripped walking down my steps during her walk of shame. Then I laugh until it goes to voicemail
well, it ended with me crying outside the strip club saying i don't want to be 21 anymoree. i'd say it was a great 21st birthday.
He posted on my wall. Idk if I'm ready for that big of a commitment.
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
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After we fucked he shhhh'd me and said your welcome
The stripper just invited me to take shots with him out at his car after he gets off stage.. I mean why not? I've already seen everything he's got and it'll be easy to get him naked.
Thanks to you and Ketel One I now have a court summons with the actual word "frolicking" on it.
You ruined me. I can't stop referring to everything outside as the "no-walls" ever since you showed me that video while I was tripping balls. My speech may be permanently altered for the rest of earth spins
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
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True friends don't judge, they just try to have more booty calls than you do.
I have never fucking hated the horrible sound of dozens of off-key recorders BLARING their fucked rendition of "Fais Do-Do" in unison against the screams of an adult male... more than I do now. This is why people avoid teaching. Kill me. End it all.
he stopped mid makeout and said "can I pray for you?"
She's asleep in a fisher-price toy car
Mmm vodka always tastes better when i know i have work at 8am
Is it just me or did we have a heart to heart talk while you were naked last night?
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