I just went through her cupboards. Eye patch and sword. nowhere near each other. different shelfs.
your address is 607B right?
yeah why?
i need to tell the guy bringing over the flaming bag of dog shit where to put it
Just found out that I was singing john legend songs as I threw up last night. Quality.
This soccer player girl is eating this banana WAY to slow. Too early for penis shaped foods.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
Hes still mad that I left the room mid-hookup to go get a pickle from the fridge.
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
nothing like having plan b for breakfast in a cvs parking lot before ordering this semester's textbooks
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think I caught your cold through my vagina. It was worth it.
is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?
I felt kinda awkward walking into his house in nothing but lingerie and my dead grandmas overcoat
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
Why do I feel so obligated to masterbate just because I’m single and it’s valentines Day...
On a scale of one to ten how bad is it that the first cardio I've done in months is jogging to the bars?
I'll just go with dedication.
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