I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
Is it bad that I just used Smirnoff as mouthwash?
His facebook status was woke up with a whale ..... Captain AHAB IS BACK !!!!!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So much for not drinking this week after this weekend.. Congratulations. U made it until tuesday.
I'm stranded in the Hampton area. Looks like I'm going to have to take one for the team and pass out by this applebees.
Tell your friends I said hi and that if they touch your penis I'll cut off their hands.
We're gona eat taco bell and then take exlax and see who can hold it in the longest. Loser has to pay for drinks all weekend. You in?
I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yeah I was convinced everyone knew I was high. Time was passing way too slowly for anyone NOT to notice.
Then he texted me that I was the "good kind" of fat.
How's my sex life is me mastubating next to her dog. that's how it's going.
I told her my hands felt like they touched the sun, never been that stoned before
Who put my cat in the fridge?
She's the other freshman on this drunken voyage
Randomize