Most the numbers in my phone are mistakes. It's a virtual graveyard of people I should never pick up for.
so i had a hang over on saturday and i stayed in the shower for 4 hours, then crawled out, skimpered to my bed, and some kid i didnt know was sleeping in it
Just woke up. My philosophy paper is a play, and my paper for musical theater is about physics. That's some dank shit you sold me
if he only knew that in between each sext i was puking.
she called for a booty call so i sent mike as my stunt double
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
I'm trying to figure if this dude sitting in his car with the door open is dead or just sleeping. Someone was probably wondering the same thing bout me 20 minutes ago. Your meeting is taking a ridiculous amount of time.
The novelty of Nekkid Straight Roommate has faded.
Just saw a couple do like 5 Sakai bombs and my dad goes "who says love is dead"
but, alas, I am not the lady in the streets. I'm simply the freak in the sheets.
But what I'm actually thinking about is how everyone except me had sex on my bed this weekend and now I'm just sleeping in it with a 7 foot tall blue panda
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
I have booze and I wanna give you a bj. How can you be mad at me?
Omg there's puke under my pillow. Clearly I puked and tried to hide it. From myself. \n
are you drinking tonight?
I have an exam tomorrow
so yes.
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