I won a flip cup tournbment! Why is boot and rally so hard when youre old?
I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
why did u let me go home with him last night?
u were determined it was a good idea
You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
just heard some guy walking down the street say "butt sex in the sun"
go get him tiger.
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
He snapchatted me his dick and he's circumcised....BRB going to hug his Mom
You ninja crawled over five sleeping guys to get in my room at 6 in the morning to wake me up for sex
...and I think that may just be my favorite moment in our fuckbuddyship
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
I woke up to Dragon Ball Z playing in Portuguese and a donut shish-kebab~ed on a dick in my face.
You probably shouldn't do that...but if you do take pictures
right now I am washing the alcohol and shame off from last night
I just thought I should tell you that I always know what you are doing. Everywhere. Every time. -Your loving Mother
I miss all the tiny banana hammocks... When can I go back to ogling? I can do it from a lot farther than six feet without any complaints.
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