my friend just told me "I dunno what u r doing but keep doing it cuz it makes u look fabulous"
LOL that's cool. Guess u r gonna have to keep doing me
Hi, I just found this phone under my seat at a brewers game and seeing as you're entered in as 'fillllatio' I figured I'd ask you if you know the illiterate ass who owns this phone. Thanks :)
I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
at john mayer concert. alone. to many highschool kids. i feel like a drunk chaperone with a pomegranite martini mustache
I fell alseep but then some dude picked me up. Comforter and all stuck a blunt in my mouth and carried me back downstairs because "I wasn't done partying"
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
Girl we've come a long way since our first Brazilian wax
Sure. But we have to be quiet.
Ninja mode activated
Is "I am going to murder you if you keep sending me requests that I cannot fulfill" unprofesh?
I told him we could fuck whenever was concurrent for both of us
Pretty sure I just noped a member of the Canadian women's hockey team on Tinder.
yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"
Saw the guy I once slept with, he was buying Beer and shit tone of diapers. Glad to see how 2016 will turn out.
No reason. My tongue went numb after one shot. I may die tonight
You know the story of the boner party, right? They got stuck in the mountains and ate each other?
It was the Donner party... boner party was the porn version...
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