remember when jerking off was fun and not a neccesity
Sometimes to bang a cougar u gotta play wii With her kids
if we break up, who will get the dealer?
At what point should shame kick in? Realising I had a one night stand with a man engaged or realising I am that man's wedding photographer?
Just so you know, a true one night stands ends with a 7 minute blow job after eating a sandwich she made for you while the taxi you called for her comes
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
You were high and telling me you felt like Pinocchio and that fire was bad for wood.
Oh you're gonna love this story. I almost cut off a little girl's pony tail.
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
i mean, not my actual scene but if someone says "PARTY" ill figure it out
Thought about it. I'm gonna go to work, but I'm gonna tell them I wrestled a bear saying I fell just isn't working.
He played with my nipples while singing "How great thou art"
Do you want to get naked and order pizza with me
Seeing someone hit Themselves in the balls with someone else's hand is amazing. I love being the sober one
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
Randomize
