dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
i think guys who wear condoms are gentleman.
You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
Just took a final in the room where I lost my virginity. I think it was god luck.
Why do you keep getting laid in MY dreams
My little brother got home at 4am too, we drunk ate together. It was a kodak moment.
I face planted right in front of a cop. He looked at me, shook his head, mumbled "freshman" under his breath, helped me up and told us to get home safely. I love college.
Apparently when your theatre teacher asks who the best actor of our time is, Nicolas Cage is not the right answer.
I just swallowed confetti and motor-boated some guys beard...#happy2015
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
Someone stole a lamp last night.
Just accidentally walked into a parade for Jesus
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
He called me dainty, then fucked me like the Viking God he is.
Will you skip merrily into hell with me?
Randomize
