How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
I think east. Tornado watch. What the fuck are you doing in Texarkana?
Bonnaroo. Tornado watch? Expand on that thought.
Watch for tornadoes.
Everybody was literally kung fu fighting
On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
Any idea who the guy in my bed tagged as rattlesnake dick might be?
#1 RULE OF DRINKING: DELETE YOUR EX'S NUMBER FROM YOUR PHONE
I told my doctor about us having twin chlamydia
Please don't pee your pants in the cab. One more time, and im pretty sure the cab companies will refuse to pick you up anymore
I WOLD FCUK YUO INTOO THE MOON
THE MOOOOOOOON
LETS THROW SHIT OFF THE PORCH
This is the perfect outfit to do ketamine in, I must say
there is partying, then there is whatever we did last night.
I love you. I would never turn you into a bear.
The girl at the liquor store remembered me as "the girl who pays in hundreds" so she didn't ID me
It really hurts to walk. Any idea what happened to my hip?
Randomize
