Di me a solid and hit me with your car.
Too bad it's not "confirm, ignore or not unless I've had 20+ beers"
i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
i said good morning to each one of his abs personally
I just got a high school volleyball teams practice cancelled because I slept with the head coach through their practice time.
when i went to the store to buy my pregnancy test they were giving carnations to all the moms and they gave me one and said "just in case"
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
Also this is super embarrassing but sorry for licking your chest
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
My feelings for him are donzo molonzo but I can't turn down a pierced penis...
Okay, so when I go to meet your grandma, let's do a quick cum check to we don't have another "what's that on your face?" situation.
Baruch atah adonai DAT ASS DOE
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day
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