so this rather large man keeps buying us drinks.......then he licked my face....i dont really care though because the drinks are good. Is this bad?
does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
I wish all the girls i wanted to sleep with knew how big my dick was then id have a better chance
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
Lauren she was gnawing on a dresser. Gnawing. On. A. Dresser.
hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
Your last day of twenties? OK. Then I'll give you til midnight. Then you turn into a pumpkin. A big, 30 year old pumpkin.
I'm glad we're going to catch up. too bad it's over my vagina.
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
Date idea: we should go to the store and buy all the different kinds of Lay's and eat them all
I hooked up with Spider-Man on the hood of Santas car. I kept saying that he could shoot his web at me. Also I found Waldo. Overall good night.
We didn't mean to put a petting zoo in the elevator.
I still don't understand if he's using me to write his resume or if we're dating
I know it's wrong but I'm human. Now get over here, tie me up, feed me pizza and Fuck the crazy out of me. Please.
Randomize
