Let me guess--your parents are cousins.
"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
They glued all of the ceiling tiles shut.
oh my god. you caused complete remodeling to a college campus that you don't even go to
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I keep replaying commercials about kittens frolicking and was crying nonstop. WILL MY PERIOD LAST FOREVER!?
Ok. So I've woke up in a hospital. New thing to top that.... Waking up and realizing you've been locked inside the bar by urself at 430 am and all the doors are locked by key
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
i know you're at the dentist, but this dick pic was too phenominal to wait and i deserve immediate tit compensation
I feel like these arent even my fingers anymore
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have this rep as a wingman for a reason. I'm like a poon caddy. "You might want to use a 9 iron on this hole. "
I just remembered that before we left my house I vowed to stay fully clothed and I FAILED
Did i fall last night when u carried me home.
idk
OHHH yea you fell down the stairs face first
dude kate found out i cheated and busted in while i was taking a shit. I was cornered, nothing i could do
so drinking tonight?
Be there in 15
There were a lot of gay moments in between the Strippers and coke
Dude it's unhealthy how much I love vagina in my face
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