Is it sad I memorized the exact change required for a #7 at Wendy's?
Alex, there's no such thing as a fancy sex store.
the number of months ive had a girlfriend in my life divided by the number of blowjobs ive gotten is extremely depressing...
everyone knows that carl winslow was the sexiest man in die hard.
Thanks for telling my landlord that the poop stain was yours and not my secret dog.
just run out there and shit all over the driveway when he comes.. and then point at him
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
NO SHITSVILLE I just saw a homeless dude punch a pigeon that flew by him
He sent me nudes and then a text asking if I tried the new Cantina Bowl from Taco Bell. He sure does romance right, doesn't he?
Thank you for letting me get drunk enough to forget he was there tonight, but not drunk enough to make a complete fool of myself.
Indeed. If boner pill commercials have taught us anything, it's the importance of waiting until the moment is right.
Where else would I get life advice?
He's like a computer from 2001 in a 2014 world. It just doesn't work. Lots of glitches.
WHEN THE HELL DOES ANYTHING IN OUR LIVES *EVER* GO AS PLANNED???
I quit doing blow for him. If that doesn’t say “I’m in love with you and want to marry you” idk what does
THIS IS WHAT CELL PHONES ARE FOR! So you can tell me that you're bringing your coworker who lives in the "Halleleuia community" home for a beer SO I'M NOT DRESSED IN LEATHER LINGERIE WHEN HE WALKS IN THE FUCKING DOOR!!
Randomize
