NO FUCKING WAY. PLEASE MAKE HER IMPLANT THAT POOR KID INTO A RESPONSIBLE UTERUS.
so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
I am at the point where deciding not to drink alone is worth a rocky music montage in and of itself.
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
MY roomie made me a chinese name- it's supposed to mean 'the girl of a thousand sins.'
Lesson learned the hard way. If it's a "no" on a dating site, it's also a no if you ever run into the person anyplace in public. It's a slap if you mention wanting to poke.
I'm going to miss hockey season. It was the best excuse to get drunk on a Tuesday night.
I'm sitting on my couch eating a bag of marshmallows and watching someone run bare ass down the street. What has happened to my life?
Or I could hide in your trunk so you can sneak out of putt putt for sex breaks
once he tried to wake me up from my hangover nap to have sex, that's when things went downhill. he had to go.
Just bought condoms with a walmart gift card. Thanks grandma.
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
i'm not too sure if he's up to my expectations looks-wise, but in the penis department he exceeds ALL regulations.
Some sorority went “Dick or Treating” at a frat house and now the Halloween parties are canceled
Randomize
