No more parties with babies... I can't do that again.
In an effort to go green, I just used rainwater to fill my bong.
Well, ive pounded a baby into a stripper and a girl who was on jerry springer, a 16 year old is logically next.
I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
haha I love it when I find out that girls who were mean to me in middle school are now some random dude's baby mama. thanks, facebook.
Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
that's probably because you left your arm in the fishtank for 90% of the night
Oh you know, sitting here in my bathing suit watching antiques road show and petting the cat. Just the usual
He turned me into a screamer. Guess I'm really not a lesbian.
Ever since the Christmas fiasco of '08, I can no longer watch Rudolf the Red nosed reindeer without getting a hard on
I think I need to expose myself to your dog so he knows that I am also a male.
HE'S LIKE A GREEK GOD BUT HE'S FROM BOSTON. HE'S A BOSTON GOD
pray to him
I WANNA PRAY ON HIS DICK
I just got called the stable friend. This makes me super uncomfortable
of fours songebofy did dknt stop believing
how legible are my texts
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