Me too!
also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
there's a guy on campus handing out business cards. you pay him to see if your girlfriend will cheat. the company name is "tying up loose ends"
It didn't go so well. He got drunk and asked my dad if 'front or back' virginity mattered more.
But like now everytime I pee I just think... wow I had sex with him on this toilet.
still drunk. talking shit to the doc drawing my blood. this has no upside
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
Hm, finding a time when my drinking and your real life don't conflict could be difficult
Im organizing a group to help fondle my shoe. Too many shots dude. Too many.
I didnt want you guys to know I needed to puke, so I just nonchalantly did in my solo cup and threw it out the window
Found my id. It was in the cats litter box. Seriously what was last night.
You are the only lesbian I know that needs plan b
That's pretty intense. There aren't many people I would pick over a burrito
Don't tell me I can do whatever makes me happy while also saying I have to put on pants.
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
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