I'm going to jail i love you
He is such a slut. More and more my type.
if sarah has 12 dollars and spends 6 of it on cheap booze how much will she spend on hangover food the next morning?
4 on the dollar menu at mcdonalds
mom cant say that college never taught us math
Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?
There is so much to learn about oneself from autofill.
Found her. Shes unconscious up against the room door. Her credit card is in the keycard slot
Sharing a bathroom with a guy sucks. I always have to set an alarm for the middle of the night just so I can take a dump. Poop text btw
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
Douche bag was crowd surfing, sack punched him. Crowd carried him away in a ball of agony. LIFE=COMPLETE.
I'm gonna eat you out with that hat on so it looks like beaker's doing it. And I'm gonna go "memememememe"
THE VODKA TRAIN IS NOW PULLING INTO THE STATION
wtf I can't believe that bar tender told on me to my mom
theres a canoe in our lawn. we dont own a canoe.
it was the only safe place
on a campus of 30,000 people, i should not be able to see every single guy I've ever hooked up with at one party.
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