There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
theyre selling pepper spray in the courtyard. hellooo atl
Bro, i just sang journey's "dont stop beleavin" at mcdonalds. and the guy was sooo impressed he gave us free food. God i love america
I'm not a creep or anything, just a lost soul looking for a good lay
I have so many hands. So. Many. Hands. I can feel arms that I don't have yet. They tickle. I can see the blood in my eyes. I think something is happening. The hands!!! I'm ticking myself with hands I don't have yet! I can't stop giggling about my notyet hands!
White grape blunt wraps are like the equivalent of a glass of wine in a tux.
I let him watch sportscenter while we fucked. How did he repay me? I'm now missing class to get a shot in the ass for the clap. You and I are getting wasted and keying someone's car this weekend.
Oh I know babe. You're shining beacon of adult responsibility. That's why I go down on you.
I go down on you because abs
Had to sacrifice my vibrator batteries to the thermostat gods. I had a dirty dream and also almost a heat stroke.
Incase you were wondering. Cooking naked turns into sex. Sex and cooking may lead to house fire....
After he finished he laid there and told me how much work that just was. I looked at him and told him not to ruin a good thing by opening his mouth.
So congratulations, your penis has now sent me to urgent care not once, but twice!
Her tits are so fantastic they gave him a panic attack.
Be there in 6 mins I’m smell like fireball. and strippers and need to use your showers before go home
Randomize
