I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
you used to get mad at me for mentioning 'unprotected sex' and happenings in my bed
well yeah, but then i realized the wisdom of your ways.
I just bought a CD. I feel like a traitor to my generation.
His idea of a compliment is: 'you're cuter than your friend. If you both wanted a 3way I'd do it,but I'd pay more attention to you.'
he belly flopped onto the beer pong table, and almost boke his face, so at that point we decided swimming would be safer for him.
I sleep with the gay men, they no longer have questions about their sexuality. No strings attached at it's finest and i get new shopping buddies out if it. It really is a win win situation.
You are my idol.
If you feel like laying around and watching a movie, that's where I'll be for the next several hours not moving, blaming others, and generally feeling sorry for myself.
He just showed up at my house and was like "have you seen an axe laying around?" he wasnt wearing any shoes.
If i ever die cab you make sure bag pipes are at my funeral they are awsome
YOU ARE THE WORST TRAVEL AGENT! THIS IS A SINGLES CRUSE FOR SENIORS. THEY ALL THINK IM THE FUCKING WAITRESS JUST CAUSE IM BLACK!!!
We need to make tonight low-budget
Is this your way of suggesting flasks?
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
youll appreciate my drinking habit one day...
My vibrator broke.
Dude it's been less than twelve hours. Did you sleep?
Don't worry about that. I need a new vibrator.
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