my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
It just feels so wrong throwing away the condoms into her Hello Kitty trashcan
I just gave my patient permission to swallow while pregnant. She was so embarrassed to ask...but her bf was really happy with the answer.
They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.
She's in the middle of blacking out but is singing Mariah carey songs. Hitting every note.
Just to save you guys the surprise, somebody shit outside of our door.
Even my psychiatrist thinks I should fuck the married guy.
isnt this the same guy you hooked up with on his birthday and he then asked, "you were at me birthday?" the next time you were together?
You threw up with your ski mask on still.
She's in the bathroom. Literally just told me she could make a guy cum using just her words. Not bad for Sunday brunch.
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
No seriously you guys are gonna get arrested
Do me a favor I want you to reach down the front of your pants and underwear and just feel around for a while... if you happen to find your balls then join us
Oh and he asked if I would occasionally still blow him if we had children. It was so romantic.
dont ever go to laser tag drunk. you will be judged.
Randomize
