So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
is drinking for groundhog day legit?
well you blacked out on MLK day and we pregamed arbor day, so yes
Hes still not moving. At what point does 'hungover' become 'hospital-time?'
I took 20 bucks from you because when I woke up I saw more of you than I ever wanted to see bro.
Totally acceptable.
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
Bitch, he is not your friend and this is not Bravo. Get in this car before you get smacked
His friend still there? Be like "I need to see both of your dicks ASAP"
You woke up butt naked, peed yourself said something about jumbo shrimp, and passed back out 10 seconds ltr..
He has started theming his dick pics. I have one he sent his duck has a sombrero on. Another a Barbie is riding it.
He called me at 4 a.m. and wanted me to drive him to McDonald's then drop him off at home. It wasn't even a booty call, it was a fucking chauffeur call.
Yup, found the vomit in the side compartment. My bad.
Saw a thong on the yellow lines of the street when I left this morning, are they yours by any chance?
I want to ride that like one of the Horsemen of the Apocalypse- with bourbon in hand and without mercy.
Randomize
