Now hope fervently that she'll do it quick and cheap, just the way i like it
so he shaved. down there. and before he took his pants off i thought it was hot but then all i could think about were the naked mole rats from 7 grade science class.
I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
I think it was you who decided that coming home at 3AM and cooking eggs topless was the best way to end our night. Eating the scrambled eggs off each other's boobs, that was ellie's idea
I feel like I have streams of color and coldness wrapping around my body.
My vagina and my morals are playing tug of war
She's currently celebrating her completion of "Sober October" with "Margarita Shit-Show November."
We learned a lot about one another. I showed him around the town I grew up in and he informed me that he has had a threesome and killed a cat
I found him in bed on a pullout couch with another dude. He had two empty puke buckets and his empty bottle of jagermeister right by his head.
She kept saying how cute and adorable I was. I felt like a care bear getting a blowjob
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
Guess who just bought an ounce of pot via Paypal, and paid for it with my airline Visa card to earn miles?
Congratulations. That business degree is finally worth every penny it cost you.
Also I've accepted I am not going to be a catch today. I look like a dead hooker and the remedial work is going to be patchy at best with the shakes I've got.
we played his NES Classic. Turns out there is a warp zone to my vagina.
nothing like a long car ride to make you think of all the bad things you've done
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