So I've been drinking and I told the bf about the gf he almost fell of his chair
My cardio has turned into running out of the cold from bar to bar.
"Shots" has been nominated for a grammy. Now all of the US has sunken to our level...
his name is not nearly as fun as i thought to yell out in bed
She gave me head because I gave her my pack of cigarettes...And you said quitting would be hard.
He's coming back with me for the week. It took me saying "I don't wanna drive myself home... I'm better as a passenger giving road head" for him to jump at it. Rack another one up for my magical openings.
I drink way too much to have a type. Last weekend I picked up a guy who calls me "baby girl"
I was out with the drag queens until 7am. This is the hangover I needed to kick my ass back to sobriety. Dear Virgin Mary, fuck my life.
He held back my hair as I puked, then kindly asked me to slightly move my head over and pissed right next to my face.
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
Like please, take your microdick and try to stick it someplace else. It is not welcome in my world.
NO TEQUILA
Why do I always think it's a good idea? Like a challenge? Shit maybe I should CHALLEGE myself to get laid for once instead
he just fluffed my hair and told me I had to dance with him because we were both gingers.
Fly, little bird! Repopulate the ginger race!
He literally said from now on he's always banging chicks with asthma becuas it's such an ego booster
And you know what the worst part is? Because of him I can now relate to a goddamn Taylor Swift song. FUCK. MY. LIFE.
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