im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
Just got roadhead while going 95. I came for a mile and a half.
i dont know everytime i see her teeth i get erectile disfunction
I can see why you broke up with her now... it was like having sex with a corpse.
I need to stop drinking. Side note- we have a party bus tonight. So the drinking will have to end after that
Just called the bar: "hi this is the girl who you kicked out for excessive bleeding, do you happen to have my coat?"
You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect?
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
if youre gonna throw up it might as well taste like christmas :S
Today is National Blunt Day in the Great State of Me. Come ovah
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
Don't worry you weren't as drunk as you thought. You only fell 4 times.
well, unfortunately the rug burn lasted longer than the actual relationship
HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT
So I just ran in to the Couger you saw me take home last month who i haven't talked to since then at Wawa and she was PISSED.. APPARENTLY i fucked her niece last week
Like, I just want a guy who will drop what he's doing to come touch my vagina whenever I want and to leave me the hell alone whenever I want. Is that SO MUCH TO ASK??
Randomize
