i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
she was trying to give me a handjob in biology class while we were learning about the penis.
no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
Best idea ever: Giving hobos a beer and having a chugging contest to win another beer. Most fun I have had downtown in a while.
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser.
Home. Hour long discussion with mom. Very frightened. Eating a sausage. Don't remember making it. Confused.
She has a lazy eye!
My other option is a hardwood floor
He threw up, and left his credit card next to the puddle. He kept on saying he wanted to pay for the damages.
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
You threw my heel at her from across the street... And hit her in the back of the head so hard she face planted into the street. I need more friends like you.
This is the first time I'm hearing this information.
There was a tour on campus today, and there were two girls i went to high school with in the group. They saw me and ran up to me as i was unlocking my door. when i opened it, kate was laying in a pile of glitter and beer cans. We need to reevaluate.
I texted him a series of texts in which the first letters of each text spelled out "WE SHOULD HAVE SEX". If that's not dedication to the dick, I don't know what is
I wouldn't know what to do. You never really mentally prepare for a cactus getting thrown at your face.
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
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