Who said anything about talking that was a booty call
if i can run in heels then i can drive
they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
Exactly how low is masturbating to your cute professor's lecture videos?
at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
Escaped ambulance. Meet me at your apartment.
I got home and laid by the toilet and then alexa laid in the bathtub and sang the preamble while kayla held my hair
In the middle of me riding him, he stopped me and said "You're the kind of person who would be restrained for being obnoxiously drunk on an airplane, huh?"
I HAVE to find her. I've got a pretty decent pic of her footprint on my headboard. Wonder if I can get one of the podiatry majors to help?
If a baby can come out of it, so can four raquetballs.
Sometimes you just gotta fuck a has been local celebrity for your 15 minutes.
We don't know where he is but he left his pants and what appears to be a tooth here so he's gotta come back sometime
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
I just want orgasms and emotional validation. Is that too much to ask?
Nothing says "sober up, you whore" quite like an early morning PAP smear.
Randomize
