Nothing too bad. Lost a stuffed horse on a stick and tore my clothes off. Again.
I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
My eyes got the double whammy. Once with pepperspray from the riot the other with cum. Both of which i did nothing to deserve.
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
We snorted a line of cocaine and xanax, and then played a game of Backgammon. It was surprisingly therapeutic.
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
My ex just sent me a message asking if she could blow me, but only if we get caught by her new bf. If she promises to swallow I'm doing it.
I ate her out for so long I might actually shit a vagina
Sorry, not ignoring you.. We broke open the other piñata left from cinco de mayo and it was filled with condoms, mini booze bottles, and those little party horn things you blow into. You'll forgive me when we're fucking for days with all these free condoms.
it was fucking weird. cops showed up but they appreciated our 3 story bong. and then some girl tried to steal our cheese and butter
About to be a 4Loko vomit fountain in 45 seconds, what color will it be? Animated birds will fly out of me.
note to self: do not snort crushed up caffeine pills in the bathroom by yourself when ur super shit faced, ur face will fucking hate you in the morning.
I have a sixth sense for large penises and lack of morals
You gotta come over now. He is eating cupcakes while they are still in the foil.
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
Randomize
