dude, that girl smelled worse than the great depression.
Do you ever go through someone elses pictures and just appreciate the fact that youre not really friends with them?
I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago.
she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
After a little too much, I decided public urination was a constitutional right.. Nearly got deported for that one
He gave me a beer, petted my head, and called me kiddo.
Why wake up next to a guy when you can wake up next to a bag of chips and not have to worry about what kind of std you might've caught
she dared me to make out with the amish dude so I went up to him and grabbed him by the beard
GRABBED HIM BY THE BEARD
It's national "dress up your pet day" come over. Drugs and dressed up cats..it's the shit dreams are made of.
Last night was incredible. I can tell by the nacho cheese on my jacket
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
Dude come over...were drunk and I'm holding a T-shirt gun and discovered beer cans are the same size as rolled shirts.
He fucked me so hard my hair extensions fell out
You peed on a flamingo?!?
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