i'm the matthew mcconaghey of this party. i'm too old, and too high.
You know, sometimes I seriously doubt your commitment to sparkle motion.
Just when I thought this night couldn't get any worse, my dad sang and dedicated Sexual Healing to me at kareoke night.
i threw up in a box in my own lap driving today.
she scratched her sororities letters into my back when she was done. i think i was part of some sick game. sick twisted sexy game
wanna tell me why theres a glass of water stuffed with tamptons in the freezer?
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
Oh god. It's like a broken faucet. My guts sound like a bilge pump clogged with golf balls and cake frosting.
You are the only person I have ever seen offer your other drink to the bouncer on two fors night
Bouncers are people too...giant angry people
He looks like he was the one that always had koolaid stains around his mouth as a kid, he can fuck off.
He uses Bing as his search engine...but he's great in bed. So obviously I'm torn.
I just fell down my stairs, guess that's how my sunday is gonna go
You left your hot dogs in my dresser again
i woke up in just my thong, face first on my bed with all the lights on. how hungover do you think i felt?
While walking to class I was handed a red bull, condoms, and a mini bible. I love my school.
Randomize
