found a new level of pathetic. i watched a guy pick out cigarette butts from a jar that weren't completely finished. make sure you go somewhere in life.
Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
his recent searches consisted of "World record for not bathing" and "Miley Cyrus vs Taylor Swift". Not even i am that desperate.
All signs point to mom being high. 1) making chicken at 2 am. 2) dancing to smooth jazz. 3) she asked where the peanut butter was
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I need to start giving them away because owning 20 dildos is never going to get me a boyfriend.
Tried to eat a chip. Mouth wouldn't cooperate. Nearly died. Wow I've missed this.
He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
Dunno yet. Probably just gonna play the s.t.d. russian roulette game with random bartenders at the beach again. Same 'ol same 'ol
But I wanna cuddle and just put my hand awkwardly close to your penis area by accident and look at you
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How does she have a hairless cat and a husband it's not fair. Both are hard to come by
It was all fun and games until she said "you're so pretty I wanna punch you in the face" and the proceeded to punch her in the face
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
Bring me your tired, your weary, your buffalo chicken dip
Since moving to the suburbs, all I do is fuck my ex and watch cartoons. It's not so bad.
I don’t care that he’s a decade younger. He’s cute and I need a good penising
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