Just think, the more you drink, the more options you'll have of people you want to hook up with.
my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
She threw up everywhere and is crying about a fictional character who died on Grey's Anatomy
bringing a ziploc bag full of Jim Beam to the movies may not have been the best idea.
Who was that guy I met at your brother's house who had to get stitches in his ass?
He went bowling in his bathroom.. And shattered the toilet.
at 6am he came into my room and kicked me in the stomach. when i finally got up he was passed out in my hallway and the bathtub water was running
the ladder is at the bottom of the pool
I just want you to sit on my face and to tell you you're pretty. Most girls would leap at this opportunity.
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?
and than he said 'I did amateur porn for a while' and I just knew tinder did not fail me this time
I just went on etsy and my personalized suggestions on the page were either kinky sex restraints or baby things. I feel like etsy just summarized my life.
He was a foot taller than me and my hands were bigger than his, it's called Pity head
I just watched your fat stupid son get hit by a Prius. Ran right in front of it. He's all right . But... Maybe you should have taught him to look both ways like a responsible parent does.
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