Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
My entire life is one complicated drinking game
Nhdgh I love you very much hello becausevs. Vagina pensiono
if I hooked up with that creppy kkid in bio does that count as doing charity work during the holidays?
And I know a few people wouldnt want to even be around high people. Which is sad. But jet packs are cool.
this lady just pulled corn on the cob out of her purse
People like that make this world a better place.
I made him an O's fan. One pic of my tits coming out of a Baltimore shirt and it was done.
Your anal douche was on bathroom counter. Now it's in dumpster. Not ok. I am mad. Very mad.
Props to the guy blatantly doing coke in the bathroom at the bar. Walked out of the stall with a credit card in hand, sniffing loudly and shouting "choo choo"
Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
Hey kevin, it's Ashlee. I have been trying to get ahold of you. Your pledge gave me your number. I really wanted to apologize for shitting in your car I'll buy new upholstery or pay to have it shampooed if needed. I'm so embarrassed.
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
Hey, you should go to your facebook ASAP... i'm guessing you're wasted but you just uploaded a picture of someones dick...and everyones taking bets now if its Rick or Mikes..
He took a shit in my shoe. A part of me is livid and a part of me is impressed because that’s some real evil genius.
Randomize
