I wish the iPhone would register texts from 11:59 as "Last Year" instead of "Yesterday."
Saved By The Bell: The College Years had it waaaay wrong on that one.
I don't know ur idea of a good first date but I'm pretty sure it shouldn't include him holding my hair while I puke in the street
He was trying to be aggressive in bed, but in reality, it was like watching a declawed cat try to climb a curtain. They WANT it, they just can't DO it.
I'm at this kids house trying to figure out if I pissed in his kitchen new years eve. Lmao, stop letting me drink.
She's popping painkillers like they're tic tacs and singing the soundtrack to dreamgirls. It's you're turn to babysit her.
His search history includes homemade sex toys and a plunger. I'm scared about what goes on in their place.
We had a pillow fight. It looks like an angel exploded here. A DRUNK ALCOHOLIC ANGEL
I had another sex dream about you but it was very dissatisfying. As you finished you starting singing the star spangled banner. then you left. I was not amused.
I consider myself to be an upstream bisexual
You're the salmon of the gays...
The psychic I saw today told me NOT to text the guy I haven't heard from yet since our first date this weekend b/c it wouldn't go anywhere...Miller light said otherwise. Miller light > Cleo
If it wasn't for the fact that I drink during my lunch break I'm pretty sure I would have quit this job by now
This is it. This is the birthday cake that gets me laid.
he had DANDRUFF in his PUBES. 0/10 would not blow again.
just had sex in the back of my high school auditorium #dreamcumtrue
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