He took a banana and in front of everyone showed her how he wanted it done.
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
It was ths the worst 15 minutes of my life. . . It was like fucking a warm stick of butter.
The couch is in the bathroom. I don't understand how that is even possible. I couldnt even fit that shelf thingy through the door. Come help. I am about to pee my pants.
Whatever. I'm just trying to get my dick sucked while taking online harmonica lessons
I kept calling him escargot instead of Estaban..I don't think that was the wisest choice.
I know it sucks but it's just something that needs to be done though. Like shaving ur pubes or going to the dentist.
I just think that exercising will really get in the way of my painkiller induced nap time rituals. There's gotta be a better way.
I just dropped $300 on lingerie. He better rip this off with his teeth.
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
I think I should just be a madame. Fuck it.
I'm just gonna post fliers on telephone poles like, "who wantsta be a hooooooe?!"
You know what id love more than anything right now? ..a back rub while eating biscuits and gravy
I woke up with your vibrator in my face
Never in my life have I seen a grown ass man get on all fours and attempt to buttfuck himself with the leg of a chair. I love Vegas!
how do you say “i know we haven’t hung out in a month, but i gave myself an amazing orgasm to your picture the other day” without coming on too strong
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