i woke up with my moms heels on underneath your couch cushions
you want 1 or 2 eggos?
My place. Tomorrow Night. Bring your liver, and something for it to do.
I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
I don't believe these are real court rooms. They look absolutely nothing like law and order.
it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
I just fell down the stairs in the library and further deviated my septum. That's why I don't study.
I don't think the car's salesman understands that I am about to vomit on him.
Its so fun. We're having a music war with the boat next to us. They have strippers.
I peed in a 7/11 last night. Like literally pretended I pretended I was shopping, looked around, and peed on boxes in the corner. No more tequila
Haunted Houses: fun, lame, or love to sneak off and get fingered in the dark alley way?
I blew him while the canoe was sinking...I think of it as the better version of the titanic
In the words of my step grandma "whatever makes your pussy happy"
Okay, yeah, judgmental guy at 7/11. I'm buying g wine at 10:20 in the morning. You wanna fight about it?
I am real keen for none of this to be taken out of context so let’s just shut it down right now
Flirting with/getting ready to possibly sleep with a married HS classmate and getting added to a bible study group chat within minutes of each other. #Balance
Randomize
