I was able to overlook the Affliction tee until he took it off and there was another tattooed on his body.
Was it at least attractive minus the Gargoyles or skulls... or whatever affliction is putting out these days?
Even a greek god couldn't pull it off. Told him I like Ed Hardy Better. Death Before Dishonor, baby. I'm sure it was a painful blow. hopefully he understands sarcasm.
My bracket is officially just a list of teams that lost.
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
Today has been the most awkward masturbatory day of my life. Possibly even more awkward than when my mom found my vibrator on Mother's Day.
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
Look if 10 am was too early to go barrel tasting the winery would not be open.
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
I saw this news story about two naked Satanists being arrested so I thought I should ask if you need bail money or pants
we are not taking body shots with the irish cream
I wish I could take a screenshot of how things literally look from my eyeballs right now
"I licked someones beard, because I can."
I hate who I am becoming
I think of it as growth but I also hate who I am becoming as well
Morning! Got your 3am VM to remind you to get up for spin class and also confirm you were not murdered by the sketchy guy at brunch yesterday. So this is your literal and metaphorical wake up call.
Hard not to be concerned when you call me, tell me you've discovered the secret to flying, vomit, then hang up the phone. So yes, I'm coming to pick you up.
What happened to you last night?
SO. MANY. SHOTS.
Randomize
