I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
Just saw an ad for "Liver-aid" how has this not become a life changing drug for millions?
My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
You had me at "you have a nicer rack then her"
We need to stop celebrating holidays that dont belong to us
All she does is lay in bed and watch golden girls and masturbate all day...
It's inspiring.
I think he's having people over to watch him get way too drunk again
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
We're snowed in with only two condoms. This will literally be valentines day russian roullette.
is it fucked up if I wear crotchless panties to thanksgiving to make it easier for me to fuck my cousins friend.
God I love you.
He caught me mid-escape...one leg out the window, bra n thong in hand.I just looked at him and said "Bye Now" n proceeded to fall out his window....then.... tell me why he texted me 30 min later to make sure i got home ok! #igotthis
I’m a lady. I promise I won’t oogle your junk when we go skinny dipping.
Dude, what the hell where you thinking last night
Welllllll basically they were like "challenge" and I was like "accepted"
Turns out I made out with a woman dressed as a unicorn here 10 years ago
I need dick so bad, I’m dressing sexy for the school pick up line and sports practices to entice a few of the DILFs
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